Because this blog is now my journal, I feel like I have to post about the recent tragedy we're facing. I'm worried that I won't have the right words for Reily. I can see his confusion and sorrow and I want to not only help him through that, but help him to learn from all of it. He's growing up so fast and this whole thing has made it seem even faster...
This weekend there was a car accident here in our neighborhood. Four teenagers were in a speeding car that lost control and crashed into a rock wall. Two died instantly, one is in critical condition and the driver is okay. The driver is a boy Reily plays hockey with. He's only 15. After the accident, he ran away so he's been arrested on three counts of failure to stop and render aid. I'm sure more charges will come. There is so much talk and speculation of what happened even to the point of fighting. Why did this boy run away? Did he leave his friends to die? Was he just scared and didn't know what else to do? People want to place blame and can't agree where it should lie. The adults, kids or just the kid driving? It's gotten kind of ugly! (Our homeowners association is even arguing over how to fix the wall and how long mourners should be able to write on the part of the wall still standing!) Needless to say, Reily is pretty freaked out. He sees everything wrong that happened that night, but he isn't sure how he should feel or does feel. I've told Reily that all the boys made bad choices that night, parents made bad choices that night, and the neighbor who gave the boys his car keys made a bad choice that night. We've talked a lot about how dangerous driving is and that it needs to always be taken seriously. I've told him that if I don't let him do things with friends sometimes it's because of my fear that something like this could happen. I've explained to him that by the time your teenage years are over you've lived such a tiny portion of your life that it isn't worth ruining the rest of it for a bad choice. I've also told him that I hope Mikey's family and friends will love him and be there for him. He's going to live with this the rest of his life and I'm sure he will be haunted by it. Reily's home from school today with a hurt ankle and a cold. It's come at a good time. He's needing to talk about all of this and I'd rather it be here at home with me than at school. In less than six months, Reily gets his learner's permit and we'll start teaching him how to drive. I feel such a huge responsibility in teaching a child to drive! I think this horrible accident has already started to teach him. I hope he learns not only the laws of driving, but his responsibility being a driver and a passenger. The accident happened very close to our house so we drive by it at least four times a day. The news is there, police are there and people are there placing flowers, notes and religious items. It's hard to not think about it constantly. I hope I handle this with Reily the best way possible...wish me luck!
6 comments:
wow...that really is so sad. what a lesson to have to teach your teenagers. it is such a scary time in their life and things like this don't make it any easier. you are a great mom and have good instincts. when your kids are older, they will thank you for your caring guidance. (even if that means they can't hang out with certain people.) tell reilly we are sorry :(
Oh my goodness, that is sooo sad and scary. It's also scary that Reily is almost old enough to drive! A couple of months ago, two teenagers were killed in a car accident in the gully just below us (between my house and kymm's old house-the road we took everyday to pre-school) The driver was killed and his little brother survived and watched the whole thing. These boys were just going to school, not causing trouble or making bad decisions or goofing off. He just wasn't paying close enough attention and over corrected. It is hard to have to have to teach your kids about the hard things in life! But you are such a good mom and great to talk to, I'm sure Reily will appreciate you. (The boy that was killed was named Kieffer Sandival his brothers name was Kyler- they used to live in the Utah highlands on next to Kayleen Marsden -I don't know if you knew them or not) Tell Reily we're thinking of him.
Oh Michelle! This is so tragic on so many levels! I agree, the cold and hurt ankle came at a good time for him to be home with you. You are a great Mom! You have already thought this one through! I tell Tyler all the time that driving is a previledge and not a right. I agree with you - so tragic for the driver! What guilt and sorrow he must be feeling. He really is just a boy. SO SAD for the families who lost their children! Sad to have that constant reminder just in your neighborhood. Teenagers think that they are invincible and that is the problem sometimes.
Hang in there. Give Reily a hug. I can't imagine loosing a friend/teammate like this in such a tragic accident.
Keep us posted!
Michelle,
I am so sorry to here about Reily's friend, what a hard thing for him to have to go through at his age. But Riely is lucky to have a mom that will talk to him and help him through this hard time. Just last week Brittany got her driving permit and she can drive with a parent in the car. This just reminds me all the more to be a better driver and teach her and talk to her about safety and just how serious it is. I think example is the number one teacher. Brittany now notices when I dont turn my blinker on or mom you shouldnt drive and talk on the phone ect.
I promise now to be a better example when I drive.
Thank you for sharing. I think this is something I definatly can learn from.
Heidi
so sorry to hear the sad news. I hate when these things happen. It sounds like you are doing all you can to help Reily out and it's a definite opportunity for him to learn from someone else's mistake. I think that can be the best way to learn - then we don't have to make the mistakes ourselves. Hang in there. I hope the adults don't get too caught up in their own anger to set a bad example for all the kids watching.
This has been really tough for the kids. They're trying to grieve for their lost friends, while grieving for their friend the underage-driver who lived. They want to assess blame, but all the kids decided to go joy-riding and not wear seat belts. This one has hit really close to home, both physically (few blocks away and see it many times a day) and mentally as the whole hockey "family" is reeling from it.
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